Dear Jacob,

My darling little 2 year old ~ I cannot understand you for the life of me. For the last 5 minutes you have been looking me in the eye, with a sweet little grin on your face, mumbeling something that I can only make out to be " the bi#ch has a black eye". I highly doubt thats what you are saying my sweet little boy...and I don't know how many more times I can respond with "Oh really?" before I rip my hair out. Please, PUH-LEASE learn how to speaka-the-english.